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Category Archives: Denial


Sometimes a lie can be as good as the truth and sometimes the truth just hurts.  LIE.


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That’s what the afterlife is for, anyway, pretending.

Wait, I misspoke. The afterlife IS pretend. My bad.

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I did everything you asked, I did everything you expected, I DID EVERYTHING THE WORLD EXPECTED, and now, with the world watching, I find myself just waiting.  I’m waiting for someone to tell me good job.  I’m waiting for someone to nod, and shrug, and explain the punchline to me.

If the punchline has to be explained, it is not a good joke.  ARE YOU LISTENING, GOD?  You Dane Cook level hack.

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Please forget me.

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I just have to pretend to like you less.

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Hangers should only be used to hang clothes.

I’m sorry, but you’re never going to be happy.  Not really.  We’re here to pass on our genetics, our seed, our knowledge, our life, and because of one mistake that you tried to fix with another mistake, now you’ll never be able to make that mistake again, and god—you’re whole life has become a mistake.

And don’t blame me, don’t you dare blame me.  It was always your choice, and I believe it should have been your choice and it should still be your choice, it should be every woman’s choice, but I’m just saying—in this case, in this particular case right here—you personally made the wrong choice.

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And then I’m probably going to feel just like I feel now. Empty. God, I wish the baby had been mine, then we could still pretend to be a family.

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Imagining her by the phone, dead from something horrible, is somehow less sad than imagining that she might not like me.

Does that make me a horrible person? Does that make me worse than her?

Maybe she called and my phone is just broken. Maybe I need to buy another phone. Maybe I should call her and tell her and find out if she called, you know, tell her that if she called then I didn’t get it, because my phone was broken, but I’ve got a new phone now, so you know, if she wants to call, it’ll work. It will work and it will work.